There is a metaphor in Buddhism that I really like that says: We all set out to sea on a ship knowing full well that it will someday sink.
As bleak as that might sound, the adventure on that ship and the fullness of experience accumulated on the journey are the reasons we go.
My journey here, as is the metaphor, is coming to an end. I am starting to feel heartsad about the matter, a term I use to define that fullness of heart that aches for what seems to be something lost.
But I am in no way losing and nothing is ever truly lost. Except if its those pair of sunglasses I must have dropped somewhere walking, or that letter I had in my hand that got swept away by the wind. Not really. See as silly as it is to think of things I've "lost" or as often as I may still look on my walk home for that place my ring might have fell, what we all know of as loss is just an illusion. As we cannot lose what we don't posses and what we have is only, at most, temporary.
When it comes to Barcelona I'd like to think it is more like I have put my car keys in the fridge. I will need them eventually so I will find them soon. Barcelona doesn't belong to me nor I to it, but I will leave some part of myself here free willingly. And even if I never get this chance again I will have been better for coming here, than I would for staying behind.
"What are your resistances against love." She asks me.
"Why, I'm just like everyone else, in that I've been hurt by loving, my resistances are my comforts. They make me feel safe."
Safe is a box with a lock and a code
Safe is an exterior unmet and unbreakable.
Safe is a home you lock from the inside because the outside feels too cold.
But soon the outside leaks in and devours you, and if you never come out you'll be eaten alive by the gnawing of what you once deemed comfort.
"I have two solutions," she says. "One is to write about yourself, send invitations, order a plot and engrave a tombstone and hope you are remembered for something.The other is constant task, the likelihood of pain and disappointment, the disintegration of your body, the promise of death as well."
"Why would I chose the later, it sounds worse."
"In some ways it is because it is harder and it requires you to be strong, but in equal measure our sorrow shall reveal our happiness."
She continued:
"If you should choose it would mean that the story continues and you get to see what becomes of your life."
"And what could become of such a life chosen?"
"The possibility of great love. Of cherished moments that fill your being with gratitude. The ability to see beauty, the kind of beauty in the world that confounds you. The opportunity to create, and share, and experience things in a way that bring you closer to the divine and the provisions of the worlds grace. To learn what it means to nurture yourself despite hardship should you allow it."
"What is the secret of this. What do we learn without mistake?"
"We learn nothing without mistake, If we don't try we will inevitably surrender to defeat. Loss is inevitable, but we learn by choice. Learning to open your heart is the most difficult task, it may take a lifetime to live into the depths of your soul and truly love. But remember it is worth it, it is always worth it."
As bleak as that might sound, the adventure on that ship and the fullness of experience accumulated on the journey are the reasons we go.
My journey here, as is the metaphor, is coming to an end. I am starting to feel heartsad about the matter, a term I use to define that fullness of heart that aches for what seems to be something lost.
But I am in no way losing and nothing is ever truly lost. Except if its those pair of sunglasses I must have dropped somewhere walking, or that letter I had in my hand that got swept away by the wind. Not really. See as silly as it is to think of things I've "lost" or as often as I may still look on my walk home for that place my ring might have fell, what we all know of as loss is just an illusion. As we cannot lose what we don't posses and what we have is only, at most, temporary.
When it comes to Barcelona I'd like to think it is more like I have put my car keys in the fridge. I will need them eventually so I will find them soon. Barcelona doesn't belong to me nor I to it, but I will leave some part of myself here free willingly. And even if I never get this chance again I will have been better for coming here, than I would for staying behind.
"What are your resistances against love." She asks me.
"Why, I'm just like everyone else, in that I've been hurt by loving, my resistances are my comforts. They make me feel safe."
Safe is a box with a lock and a code
Safe is an exterior unmet and unbreakable.
Safe is a home you lock from the inside because the outside feels too cold.
But soon the outside leaks in and devours you, and if you never come out you'll be eaten alive by the gnawing of what you once deemed comfort.
"I have two solutions," she says. "One is to write about yourself, send invitations, order a plot and engrave a tombstone and hope you are remembered for something.The other is constant task, the likelihood of pain and disappointment, the disintegration of your body, the promise of death as well."
"Why would I chose the later, it sounds worse."
"In some ways it is because it is harder and it requires you to be strong, but in equal measure our sorrow shall reveal our happiness."
She continued:
"If you should choose it would mean that the story continues and you get to see what becomes of your life."
"And what could become of such a life chosen?"
"The possibility of great love. Of cherished moments that fill your being with gratitude. The ability to see beauty, the kind of beauty in the world that confounds you. The opportunity to create, and share, and experience things in a way that bring you closer to the divine and the provisions of the worlds grace. To learn what it means to nurture yourself despite hardship should you allow it."
"What is the secret of this. What do we learn without mistake?"
"We learn nothing without mistake, If we don't try we will inevitably surrender to defeat. Loss is inevitable, but we learn by choice. Learning to open your heart is the most difficult task, it may take a lifetime to live into the depths of your soul and truly love. But remember it is worth it, it is always worth it."
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