What was it like to walk the streets where you didnt know the names or the lanuage being spoken, where everything was an amusing observation because it was different than your own. I wanted to smoke a cigarrette just to feel a little more dead inside than I already did. I wanted to make sense of my insides becuase nothing made sense out in the world.
He was gone. He was long gone, from the very moment I arrived , his choice, like a game you must always read between the lines. why is it always a game and I cant ever discern the rules.


I wanted to write you I wanted to tell you it would be ok. you could put me in the ground and I wouldnt fight it. I would let you.

please throw me away and never look back

I dont want your pity or your conselation prize