Standing on the corner of the North laines I felt a bit anxious. It had been awhile since I'd seen Seth, we hung out for a day and went to the Science Museum. I think he was nervous because he made fun of everything we did, but once we played the musical instruments at the Planet Orchestra I could see him lighten up and we started having in depth conversation about life. And I made fun of him for his glitter hair, he is totes Edward from twilight. ;p He got embarassed but I think it broke the ice. We walked around the park and talked about writing and Buddhism, and I could tell that hes been through a lot and has a hard time believing in things, in feeling good about himself, that hes awkward and a loner, but so entirely sweet. That his friends think hes cooler when he drinks, but hes been in and out of AA and he wants to stay away from the stuff but not isolate. Weve been writing to eachother for months both living in the south of london and still we have only hung out once. I am less than a week away from leaving and happen to be in Brighton a 15 minute bus ride from henfield a small town in sussex where he is staying with his mother and step father as a way to get away from black smoke, or back smoke as he once texted me. We meet up and he gives me a hug, this always impressed me as he did it straight away that day I first met him, looking all cool in his london style leather jacket and designer style white t shirt leather bands around his wrists, tattoos everywhere, slightly ripped jeans, aviator glasses. He gave me a hug then, and today, and it felt like giving an old friend a hug. Its funny how writing can do that it can make you feel close to someone youve barely had presence with. I have such a fondness for Seth that when he cancelled me due to his alcohol poisoning I wanted to call him right away and see how he was doing, but I didnt want to be too full on. I told him anyway, I asked him if I could and we couldnt quite coordinate it despite him agreeing it was ok. much like when my relationship with nichi was a bit helter skelter he offered that i keep my stuff there or that i stay there right away and insisted several times. It was one of the kindest things, especially because all the people I thought were my friends who were my friends who I felt really close to rejected me.

On this day Seth and I would walk on the North Laines amlessly until going back to WaiKiKiMooMoo. He would tell me he really needed a drink and catch himself with a preface of not a drink drink but liek water since he was really thirsty, order a cranberry juice and I a chai latte and we would comment on passers by. A man who sounded liek a bird and had the job of selling ridiculous whistles you hide in your mouth. Cute dogs, some over groomed and scary like the one that had hair like Seths, is your hair naturally that color, no its mousy brown though i dont know why they call it mousy. oh like dirty blonde, yeah. As we were walking to get food he got something in his eye, so i took his face to look, and stuck my finger near the edge of his eye told him to hold it open while i blew air lightly into it twice. it made it better but kind of made him nervous too. it felt intimate and parental even. when i held his face i did it without even thinking about it, as if i was a paramedic doing what i must to extract the object, he looked a bit scared but let me.

We walked to infinity a health store and picked out what he called boring food as he has become vegan again. He bought me food which was sweet and unnecessary being as he bought drinks, and we went to sit on the beach and threw rocks, making up games as to who would alarm the people in front of us first. It got too scary so we used the oatcakes box like a basket and tried tto throw them in there but when that got boring we just chucked rocks at the box to see if they would bounce off. It was kid like and ridicuolous and I loved it. we both found it really amuzing. A kid with a metal detector came up to us and asked us if we were from germany. seth said where he was from from here, and he outed me as being from somewhere else, then we were given a discourse as to how we could get a metal detector how we would regester for it online for free and make out money back, the £27.99 that he paid for it would be made back on the beach. HE showed us what he found, metal coins that were amassed together with garbage. It wasnt very impressive and made us feel weird to be talking to him. Then there was this kid that swam in the sea and crawled back up the rocks in pain crying and wailing and acting like a strange animal. It was so funny we had to look away and laugh into eachother because we were trying not to be rude prats. a new word I learned, as well as faffed, seth was saying he faffed around which means to waste time. mess about. it was funny hearing so many british slang terms hes all about them. talked about life the changes going on what we are lookin forward to. hell be in oz in two months and i go home so soon i cant even write it again. I feel so tenderly about him like were close but really we aren't it was our second time hanging out and I feel like we've been friends awhile despite the awkward moments odd humor misses and discomfort at times. I sense so much sadness from him I want to make him happy in a way. isnt that strange.