it smells like bleach
your skin disgusts me
you havent showered
slim dressed in black,
hair awry, frizzy even
you couldnt even bother to vaccum,
you only made your foul bed
and shoved your used clothes under the lumpy pillows

its not like it would have been for her

as much as you can tell yourself that you are going to use reason
that you arent going to expect anything anymore
after so much heart break and dissapointment
as much as you can say that you are going to accept whatever comes along
as if you are neither unapathetic or apathetic
as if you could be neutral
you wont be

the you that is will come creeping in again

...
Everytime you told me life had been busy or hard I wondered how in relation to her as if I was always waiting for you to say shed given up on you and you were now a lost soul in need of swooping up. But you never talked about yourself much anyway. That was the way it always was. I divulged and you listened. The submissives power.