Baby I was faking the whole time.

It took me awhile to see that o was just a tragedy. A moment away from collision, a minor note untuned . I was in the same city as him, had dreamed of awkward pauses and possibilities had wondered why bodies knew things before minds why synapsed snapped and elevation rose without the sea without the mountains to wind roads upon without the trip where your little brother almost plummeted to his death. Here you are home in this foreign city foreign in this city you once called home. And your too fucking sad for all this cute mess you are playing a role again you must be. Want to think your the kind of person that doesn't feel deeply and pain deeply that doesn't see the world as this big massive crash. Where doyou wehave collide where are our knuckles interlaced. Where do our bones break. I wanted to bend myself into the nook of your lnecl I wanted your skin soft against me. But maybe I just craved softness
I have to wonder what's right of it all just looks close enough if ill make it stick make it work in a way that you'll understand. I was in the rain cold and wet like winter wanting you but out were absent from me. I would think of you like those slow japanese movies you would set on like a television show in the background and I would watch while you would watch me. I tend to only want the dark ones. I tend to only want the ones fucked up off the side of the road knowing only their own frequency and scream upon dawn. Maybe he was too good on paper. Maybe our likenesses only likened light and I needed something to keep me enough on edge. What is a story without tragedy. He tells me that's why people like Shakespeare. Because its tragedy. I agree without thibking sometimes its easier not to argue we pick and choose our battles. Keep to yourself. Keep your hands to yourself. Tell the world it doesn't matter even if your heart races as it turns. Because it moves you and you can't help yourself. Did I ask to turn. Sid I ask to feel the way I do. No I guess not. But that's the way it works in a new place thats really old. Maybe I've outgrown this town. Old akin lies away in the dark but doesn't save for days on end. It can't. That's the way of the world.