It was like I had landed in hell, and I had no way out. I couldnt go anywhere or buy anything, I was in the sinister cesspool of a small apartment where my roomates were deviants of sex and slander, and every friend I made had neither goals or proper heigine. Yellow teeth yellow smiles, too much tea not enough kindness. Its a hollow existence in london, its a place where so much happens without looking up, without really seeing, whats inside of somebody.

I dreamt about a guitar last night, about his father holding me and feeling alarmed by an attraction, I dont know what it means, what does he represent. Love and security and a father I never had. How could he take it all away from me, act like a spoiled child with nothing to lose. In the end all I have is myself, all I can bargain with.how can I go home again. How can I even set foot on a home which once held me, all I have is my music and this borrowed computer to type on. All I have is a hope that im going to be stronger today.