Finding Connection

As I have been in this city two weeks now, I have come across a lot of individuals who are in their own world entirely and dont really interact with strangers. This is very different to my life in the Bay Area, where interactions in San Francisco feel like I am on some kind of film set where everyone is an actor and we interact in a funny play that we're all amused by. I am used to being friendly and talking to people on the street and striking up conversation in the market. Its a part of my identity in a way, and something I just felt was rather commonplace. As I have learned the customs and culture are different here, as most might expect, and that can feel at times opressive. Something I have noticed is this looming sense of judgement about doing what is right and polite, and that most Brits have a very high standard of manners that should be exhibited at all times. These manners include things like making your flatmates or friends or whomever you should fancy a cup of tea straight away. Saying your please and thank yous, emphasized talk about the weather, and upon leaving exclaiming: Cheers! Putting kisses (xx) on a text message and greeting with the European kiss on each cheek is definitely the thing to do and rude if otherwise (this always throws me off since I want to greet people with hugs) And sure, of course things like making way for those that need seating first like the disabled or elderly on public transport (but very discretely and quitely without making eye contact.) For the most part interaction is brief, and when you ask "How are you" the response is generally a bothered and ingenuine, "Yeah, fine thanks." Which used to throw me off, and now Ive come to realise it is seen as a superficial custom all together here, where people dont really give you an answer unless they want to get into it. Being absorbed by human behavior and interacting in a feeling, therapy oriented fashion I have learned that I am considered rude for asking questions that are deemed poking and proding, and reserved for long term developed dynamics. When asking my flatmate Mark about what his ideal life looked like, I was considered rude as if I was suggesting his life was in ill form. I had to appologize and tell him I was only curious, and that I wasnt trying to pry and it was up to his discretion should he disclose. After chatting with him for awhile we got into a good conversation and he really opened up and invited me to do so in kind.

I find it strange that Nichi can tell me she borrowed something from Mark two months ago and when I asked if he brings it up that she hasnt given it back, she says; "Oh no, Mark is too proper, he wouldnt!" Followed by the statement: "It's a English thing to be too polite" Though it is clear that he must need it or want it back. Being direct or straightforward is also considered rude, and the subtleties of seething are, oh so British. It kind of cracks me up in a way since this is all behavior that Ive been trying to work out of in every way possible by speaking up and saying what I want and need, and setting boundaries. What a challange!

What I will say is that I think with most cultures there are some obstacles to get around, but at the heart of it are really genuine people who want to share of themselves and have real lasting dynamics. As demonstrated last night when I went to a meditation in North Hampton. In a warm flat with hard wood floors and dim lighting a yoga instructor and his girlfriend host a once a month meeting. For five quid I sat amongst five other strangers for thirty minutes in silence. We were guided by the instructor a bit but mostly we just sat as meditation would require. In my noticings which I shared with the others in the twenty minutes of discussion that followed, I found myself completely buzzing with a kind of peace from the experience. Meditation is something that I know I need to do, that Id like to fully surrender and commit to but find myself avoiding. That saying: Where you resist, persist; needs to serve as a reminder. As I listened to my fellow mediators talk about the judgement around doing things right, and the feelings they had about sitting, I found myself overcome with a kind of compassionate preaching energy. I wanted to comfort them by talking about my experiences and telling them that it was okay to just sit and notice your thoughts and be with yourself. It made me feel really good to talk with them, to see how open we all were. Afterwards I talked to a woman named Natalie and her friend Hackney who was from Cypress and who gave me the nickname Franny for some reason! ;P Natalie talked about this mindfulness based cognitive therapy program she was starting, and it totally hit me. Thats what I want to be doing! I have been looking into Naropa for this reason, and their Counseling and Therapy program with emphasis in Buddhism. She gave me her contact number and the information of the organization she is training with. It made me pretty esctatic to know that there is something like this going on here, and that I met someone who is into something I feel so passionate about: mindfulness and therapy. As we walked out Hackney went to the Salon he worked at near the Tesco Shop to fetch some oranges from his hometown to give us. It was rather sweet, and I felt like I just wanted to hug them both for such a positive and reconnecting experience.

When I see my place in this world, and when I responded to Mark about my ideal life, I see myself doing something of the spirit. I really would like to lead in meditation and perhaps yoga, and help people to find creative outlets to express themselves. I dont know how this looks all together but I know that I can get preachy when passionate and it would be good to funnel that energy into something productive and positive.

As for todays events and on a different note:

Britain is becoming more American as Ive been told, putting a price on education to encourage the capitalist regime, and incorporating fast food chains, are just a couple examples. Our big brother of power and influence has definitely set the standard for the US, but there are a lot of shortcuts and dissheartening behaviors that the UK has gotten away with avoiding. One thing I greatly admire and feel appreciative for is the Health Care System and ones ability to go to a local "surgery" or "clinic" and be seen by someone. Today I had the experience of going to The Balham Medical Surgery to register for a General Practioner and be seen about my foot. My new doctor: Eleanor Beecraft was entirely warm, welcoming and helpful. She issued a perscription and a summonze for an x-ray within five minutes of my arrival and sent me off with a smile; then I was out the door to resume the rest of my day. This is remarkable to me, because I feel what the government funds is enirely based on what they are putting value/emphasis on for its citizens. In the states, the pharmacutical companies are given great power and emphasis and therefore a public health care system is not lucrative to the competitive field. People are seen as health liabilities, that if put under immense stress and poor conditions will invariably have to pay out to the system in order to get by. Capitalism has grown to support the industry of the sick and dying, and our entire system feels simply put: toxic. One thing Ive noticed in being here is that something like Ibprophen is entirely ineffective to me, based on the dose that is recommended and Im guessing the grade of the drug. The woman at the counter today thought me strange when I said I wanted the maximum strength topical ointment, because even when she advised against it, I told her that my tolerance was too high for UK standards. I find this so strange and slightly alarming.

Not that this is directly proportionate to this thought, but I had always had the impression that if anywhere was like the US with its pill pushing and profit driving action, its cultural dominance and colonizing opression, it would be here. And well, for the most part it is... but there is something distinctly more human about a system that emphasises public health care, and on that fact alone I have to give the UK mad props. Europe in general is holding it down when it comes to public systems and a lot of Europe still puts emphasis on education making it readily available to anyone who should want to learn. I admire this in a country, and think it very important to consider when deciding where to end up in the long term.

Okay thats my political rant for the day, I wont get into my thoughts on Santorum or Newt Gingritch because what little I stay informed about on US politics and its mysoginistic viewpoints is enough to get my briefs in a bunch.

Up on the docket:
I started reading a book by Stephen M. Whitehead on Men and Masculinities that is very interesting, and I will continue with in the weeks to come.
Im returning my computer this friday so anyone who wants to Skype with me needs to get in where they fit in (note its 8hrs ahead if you are PST)
Brunch and late night dancing with Queers on Saturday
and Meet up with locals, possible turkish massage and...
A trip to Paris the 13th-21st

Stay tuned. xx